Run in’s with Authority: What makes us want to disobey?
I had been watching my reaction because…
- told what to do
- given consequences
- forced to do things because the authority figure can put consequences on my life
None of these things make me want to:
- be good
- follow what I’m told to do
- become a law upholding citizen
In fact, I just want to be BAD more! I want to get em back, sneak around, drive as fast as I can whenever possible, and break all the rules!
Do Authority and Discipline Work?
OR do they just create insatiable hunger??
Often times, I run into struggle and then turn into my own authority figure / disciplinarian. I cut things out. I make rules that I have to obey. I tell myself certain things are okay and certain things aren’t. I use shame and dire consequences to enforce my rules…believing that somehow, feeling bad, will stop me from ever exhibiting that behavior again. AND does it work? No! I end up breaking all my rules and the struggle gets worse, almost like an addiction gone wild! AND besides all of that, It’s exhausting. The whole thing leaves me feeling empty and hungry.
Oftentimes there is an inner authority figure like our mom, dad, a family member or friend that is still inside of us, like a conscience that tells us what we can do and can’t do based on being bad or good. Just yesterday one of my students came to me for a lesson and we got to talking about her hunger. She talked to me about how everything she does, she thinks “what would my dad do” and tries to make every decision based on what she thinks he would do. So she makes choices that would be good for him.. thinking that he is the ultimate knower of what is right or wrong… the choices would be right for him, but aren’t right for her… it’s like he is an authority over her life and she is living her life for him…it leaves her so hungry.. because every choice is about him, not about her or her needs or what would be right for her, it leaves her empty… all of her energy being put into someone else’s life; she doesn’t get to eat her life because she isn’t living it for HER. She said she doesn’t know her own voice from his. It’s like it’s only his voice in her head. She doesn’t know what she needs or wants, only what he would want.
What are you hungry for?
What are you needing?
Is there any need that you have that you are not filling because you tell yourself you are bad or wrong for having it?
Is there a figure inside of you that is not yourself that is guiding all your choices?
In the Mood to Shatter This Identity:
Giving Yourself What You Really Want:
You Are What You Are Seeking:
Yoga Sequence for Just Being
“Whatever you are meant to do, do it now. the conditions are always impossible.” – Doris Lessing
In this sequence, break the rules, breath how you want to, move how you want to, don’t focus on alignment, just be, feel, hold the poses for several minutes, be with yourself, your breath, your body, your struggles, your discomforts, without trying to make it better, just be with it. Trust that your experience is the exact experience that you were meant to have. That your struggles are your gateway in and they are specifically designed for you. They are the riddle that solving will take you to freedom… total freedom. No one else has a better riddle, better experience, better body, better life… these riddles of theirs, they are not designed for you and you wouldn’t reach freedom through them. You are exactly what you are seeking.
I have chosen standing poses because they are the foundational poses and because they are expansive. They are about as expansive as you can get with your legs stretched, fingers stretched, and arms reaching. Emotionally, they are a good antidote for when you feel like you would like to hide or run away in shame, because they ask you to do the opposite (to get big and hold your ground). There is also a simplicity to them that allows you to hold and be with yourself.
- Supta Badda Konasana
- Down Dog (move in it)
- Surya Namaskar A
- Sun Salutations inserting standing poses:
- Trikonasana x 2
- Vira 2 x 2
- Utthitah Parsvakonsasana x 2
- Ardha Chandrasana x 2
- Hand Stand x 2
- Pincha Mayurasana x 2
- Vira 1
- Vira 3
- Urdhva Dhanurasana x 3
- Bridge Pose
- Paschimottanasana (3 – 5 minutes)